Well, here it is loud and clear…today was not my first trip to the mental health department at. But today was different because it had one thing all of the other times didn’t have; hope.
Making sure I made it on time to the Partial Hospitalization Program, I set my alarm slightly early to allow me enough time to colour my hair, make a quick coffee and run out the door. I had no idea what to expect, I just knew where I was going; 3NC and I had definitely met before.
As I walked into the meeting room I felt like ‘the new kid in class’… because I was. “I hope you brought Starbucks for everyone”, yelled some guy from the corner. I found an empty seat and scanned the room. Everyone looks pretty normal, I thought to myself. How ironic of me! I came here to end the stigma of my mental health illnesses, but my very first thoughts screamed stigma through and through.
“What’s your deal?” asked ‘Starbucks guy’.
“Pardon?” I say, not immediately knowing what he meant. “Oh, why am I here?”
“Ya, and you look really familiar”.
Where do I begin? And how do I summarize this in a sentence? “I overdosed on Sept 21st”. Ok this will take a few sentences…”I’ve been diagnosed with major depressive disorder, anxiety, borderline personality disorder and I’m pretty sure PTSD is in there somewhere.”
“I have PTSD as well.” he replies. “I was in the military. But I know you from somewhere!”
“I’m a Paramedic.” I say, as this is usually the link to myself and anyone who recognizes me.
“I was your patient!”…….
Talk about a full circle, smack in the face! ‘Starbucks guy’ and I had not only met before, I took care of him! I felt awkward at first. How did this come to be? I had been the one helping others like ‘Starbucks guy’ for 11 years as a Paramedic. I was the one who spoke in front of classes filled with students eager to learn everything I could teach…but I was sick, just like ‘Starbucks guy’. I belonged there with him and I was ready to get better. The awkwardness subsided quickly as I reminded myself I was there because I had the courage to realize it was my turn to be helped.
October 7, 2014 at 3:32 AM
..and take care of people you do, quite friggin’ well! The journey you’re on now is for You. The thousands of people you have helped are with You. There are more that will need You and Your partners, look forward to working with You soon!
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October 7, 2014 at 4:20 AM
WOW, this post gave me chills. Nat, your an inspiration and so amazing to be sharing this part of your life! You will find great gratitude by doing this and I am very proud!
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October 7, 2014 at 5:49 AM
Nat
The strength that you demonstrate is amazing. I have had the pleasure in knowing you just through work and going through some of those traumas with you let me say that I am extremely glad you are out there. You are a caring and compassionate medic who has also stood by and helped as a team player follow through and stand up to provide the care that is necessary for the best patient outcomes.
The fact that “Starbucks” guy remembers you states that somewhere you made a difference to him.
In a time where PTSD and mental health issues are somewhat at the forefront of the news it is people like you who are brave enough to stand up and bring an awareness to these disorders that will help initiate change and decrease stigmatization.
I can not tell you how grateful and appreciative I am to know that all of you are out there!
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October 7, 2014 at 10:37 AM
I enjoyed reading that Natalie. I suppose it was extra powerful because I know you but even without that, it is nicely written. Just enough info to make me want more. Definitely tuning in whenever there’s an update.
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October 7, 2014 at 11:11 AM
Nat, I had no idea that you are dealing with this issue and it’s great that you have the strength to share it with others. Hopefully by doing this, all of us, friends and co-workers, can make a difference on your road to recovery. You have helped so many, and now, let others help you.
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October 7, 2014 at 11:41 AM
So proud of you peanut! I love you with all my heart! Xxoo
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October 7, 2014 at 12:22 PM
So glad you are getting help, they say the stronger you are the harder it is to ask:) Thank you for sharing your journey and inspiring the rest of us to speak out so we can eliminate the stigma. I have been a dispatcher for 11 yrs and although we’ve never met I feel I some how know you; I admire your strength and dedication and wish you well. All the people you have helped, those you love and some you barely know are all pulling for you. Sending you love and prayers.
Melanie G
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October 7, 2014 at 5:42 PM
Thanks for sharing your journey. Tour thoughts and experiences will help others as well….. However this is your journey and don’t let anyone minimize it Nycole
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October 7, 2014 at 10:30 PM
i am really proud to call u my sister!!! reading this blog will also help me!! I love u very much and am waiting for the next entry……you are very brave…I knew I always looked up to u for a reason and still do!!!! love u
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October 8, 2014 at 3:59 PM
Can not imagine the courage it’s taken for you Nat, to open up your life/thoughts and “soul” if you will. I have a loved one that is suffering with mental illness and Im hoping your words will help him to move in the right direction. I / we will follow your every post. Stay strong, you are loved by many and deserved to be on the receiving end of help this time.
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November 7, 2014 at 2:36 AM
Reblogged this on Anxious Accessories and commented:
It’s great to hear you speaking out about your mental health Nat & getting the conversation started on mental health! I encourage everyone to check out Nat’s blog at https://paramedicnatsmentalhealthjourney.wordpress.com (god that’s a mouthful Nat…) from Day one onwards…
I hope more people are inspired by your stories and realise that anyone can be affected by mental health!
Let’s get the conversation started on Mental Health and get rid of the stigma surrounding it!
Keep on Blogging Nat!
xo
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November 7, 2014 at 4:27 AM
Thank you for the shout out! Much appreciated! 🙂 Hope you keep enjoying my posts!
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November 7, 2014 at 10:17 PM
We will! Don’t forget to get the conversation started on Mental Health. Just ask one person – R U OK?
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