Ok, I’m not going to lie, I do like discovering a great example of true irony, but I’ve had enough for one week! “Welcome to happiness day!” In the saddest class I’ve ever been a part of? You’ve gotta be kidding me?
Don’t get me wrong, I understand its a topic we SHOULD cover, but the look on almost everyone’s face when we got the “Happiness Alphabet” handout, was similar to the look the Titanic passengers had just before the ship went down! People were already passing around the kleenex, and we hadn’t even put the handout into our binders. This isn’t going to go over well.
I was pretty worried. The room was filled with people who could barely get out of bed and have a shower. Filled with people who cry all day and don’t even know why. Filled with people who have suffered horrible abuse and loss…and you want us to sing the happiness alphabet? Ok, we didn’t literally have to SING…but it was close enough in our eyes.
Cue the music…Sigh…”A”- Accept others for who they are and for the choices they’ve made even if you have difficulty understanding their beliefs, motives, or actions. Well, that one’s not too bad I guess.
“B”- Break away from everything that stands in the way of what you hope to accomplish with your life. Ok I can deal with this one too…but we’re getting into murky water here.
“C”- Create a family of friends whom you can share your hopes, dreams, sorrows, and happiness with. This alphabet may not be too bad… I DO have this family of friends. I NEVER take that for granted. And now I’m also part of a NEW family of friends.
“D” “E” “F”…Forgive and forget. Yikes! People already start to cry. It continues on to say that we should soar above grudges, and remember that everyone makes mistakes… I feel like most of the class is about to walk out. And I also feel that this is a concept which MOST people have difficulty with, not just the people in the room. Everyone has been hurt…everyone! But apparently, some are much better equipped at practicing this forgive and forget business, than people with mental health illnesses. Apparently many people can allow for a normal progression of emotions. They have the ‘ingredients’ to nurture their spirit. Vomit. So why did I get the shitty ingredients? Why do I have to be here and practice to ‘choose’ happiness? And how do I know if it’s not just the meds that are allowing me to have better days? UGH. All I want is my pillow and to sleep this day off. I need my comfort-zone.
Speaking of which, “How comfortable is your comfort-zone?” was also a topic today. I suppose it’s only temporarily comfortable when I think about it. My alcohol abuse was only temporarily comfortable, (none since Sept 23rd may I add..yay!). The days lost from hours of sleep were only temporarily comfortable. The pills I took to sleep were only temporarily comfortable.
The teacher continued on to say, “You need to move out of your comfort-zone, and you will see it wasn’t actually comfortable at all.” Hmmmm interesting. “And if you don’t try you won’t know”. Once again she’s right. Damn-it. I know that she’s right because I was suppose to be in a similar program last year when I overdosed the first time; I didn’t try, so I didn’t know. Back then I completely believed it was a waste of my time…and look where that got me… back to 3NC. Last year when I snuggled back into my comfort-zone, I missed out on singing the happiness alphabet. I’m sure if I would have tried then, the tune would still have been horribly ‘off-key’ at first, (like is was today). But when I was a kid, after I practiced my alphabet really hard, I learned it cold…So I’m trying really hard to learn this new one now. “A, B, C, D, E, F, G…..” 🙂
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