I hate cold, rainy days. They seem to cast a layer of sadness over everything, and challenge my ability to put the new tools I’ve learned at ‘save my life school’ into practice. And now that we are finished week 3, the number of new tools I learned in weeks before are not as plentiful. I can see that I’m now at the stage where I need to remember and use my tools. I find myself reviewing my notes and making sure I haven’t forgotten any of them. And now when I’m in a negative situation, I have to dig through my tool box, choose which tools I think will work best, and use them; trial and error at it’s best. For example, this morning I was painfully sad because I miss my family and my home so much. I felt lonely, frustrated and confused…feelings which normally make me hibernate and avoid things I had planned for the day, but shockingly I saw it as a perfect opportunity to practice using my tools. Think, think, think…what should I do? Should use my positive self-talk first to try and zap-out this pain, or let this distressful feeling ride it’s course so that it doesn’t just reappear later on? One thing I did know was that I would definitely need to force myself to not hide in the bathroom, and to continue going to class and participate. Deep breath…you can do this! So as I stood at the hall intersection forcing myself to do the right thing, I made a left-hand turn down the hall to my class, rather than a right-hand turn to the bathroom. Relationship day…perfect. Let’s rehash how my family fell apart again. One foot in front of the other, I walked over and sat with my classmates (on the brink of tears) and let the distressful feeling ride it’s course. Over the hour I mixed the ‘ride’ with a bit of positive self-talk, and even used my anxiety distraction tool to get the butterflies out of my stomach. And what do you know, as the class progressed I started to feel better! I made the right choice to push myself, and I used my tools better than Mike Holmes.
The day reminded me of an analogy my brother Mitch told me about a week ago. He came to visit and expressed honestly that he was still confused as to how to help me. He said he knew I had so much support, but that I of course needed to do the work myself; I couldn’t agree more. The analogy went like this: He pictured me alone, and sitting on the bottom of a dry lake. I couldn’t move without support, so the water (being my friends and family) rushed in to start to make me move. They were always there and always all around me, but I needed to swim on my own, and more importantly I needed to realize that I would eventually get tired and sink without building a boat to sail on. So along comes school giving me the tools and wood I need to build the boat, but no one could help me, I had to build it alone, with the support of my family and friends surrounding me and keeping me afloat. At first I would start out with enough pieces of wood to build a raft, but if I settled for that, the wind would get strong and blow the raft apart. So I would need to keep gaining more tools and wood in order to build a ship strong enough to brave the strong winds. Once I had built that ship over time, I would be able to confidently challenge any fierce storm, knowing that even if the wind blew some of the wood off of the ship, it would still be strong enough to stay a float, and I would still have all the tools to repair it.
It was definitely the best analogy yet! …And you all know how I DO love a good analogy. (AB your snow-globe gets an honourable mention!) 😉 I think I was on the raft today. The winds got pretty strong and tried to sink me. But I kept building with the tools I had and maybe added a compass to guide me through the small storm of loneliness. Heaven knows there will be more storms ahead…and I should probably prepare for a hurricane, but I can’t sink anymore…I just can’t! Not when everyone is still there holding me above water and cheering me on.
November 1, 2014 at 9:42 AM
Glad you are finding the support you need to keep afloat. It takes hard work on our part but I definitely don’t think you can do the work with out a support team. I am lucky I have a great team around and I am learning to trust that they will be there regardless of where I am at. They are in awe of the hard work I do every day to create my life on a daily basis. It is pure bliss among the suffering with PTSD. Good luck to you. It takes courage to seek help.
LikeLiked by 1 person
November 1, 2014 at 2:17 PM
Thank you 🙂 I love your ‘pure bliss’ comment…it’s so very true! I am here to support you as well 🙂
LikeLike
November 1, 2014 at 10:58 AM
Hey Nat. Quite the blog today. Turn Right or Left. It’s great you made the “left” turn and it that it was the “right” decision. lol Your brother Mitch’s analogy made a lot of sense. Always keep that in mind and remember we’re here to help. Pretty soon you’ll be sailing “The Love Boat”. Got my boarding ticket for that cruise 🙂 Pint xoxo
LikeLiked by 1 person
November 1, 2014 at 2:24 PM
LOL I love this comment so much! Thank you xo. I always appreciate your support and love hearing from you 🙂 I will keep building the boat; I promise.
LikeLike
November 1, 2014 at 1:28 PM
Love love love this analogy!!! I’m so proud of you Nat. Your progress is insipiring.
LikeLiked by 1 person
November 1, 2014 at 2:31 PM
Thank you 🙂 I agree the analogy is amazing!
LikeLike
November 1, 2014 at 4:29 PM
What a great analogy and big props to you for getting up and on with your day! I know how just that first step out of bed in the mornings can be the hardest:)
LikeLiked by 1 person
November 1, 2014 at 5:33 PM
Always there to hold you up and support you, whenever needed.
You are making amazing progress, be proud of yourself !
I am !!!
Love you Nat ❤️
LikeLiked by 1 person
November 1, 2014 at 6:32 PM
Love you too! XO
LikeLike
November 6, 2014 at 10:37 PM
Hey hey hey!
I have been busy at work and can finally catch up!
Reminds me of Cast Away with Tom Hanks. “I HAVE BUILT FIRE!!!”
Just don’t grow a beard. I don’t think it would suit you 😛
LikeLiked by 1 person
November 7, 2014 at 2:01 AM
Welcome back! Wondered where you went. Don’t worry…I won’t grow a beard. 🙂
LikeLike
November 7, 2014 at 2:16 AM
… this work thing is getting in the way of my blog reading time 😛
LikeLiked by 1 person
November 7, 2014 at 2:17 AM
LOL. 😉
LikeLike