I’m having one of those days! Everything about everyone is driving me nuts. I wish I could just leave and go sit by myself near the water or go for a walk…but ‘save my life school’ is a life prerequisite, so I can’t. I’m telling myself that ‘there is a lesson in this somewhere’, but I can’t quite see it yet. It’s hard to find a lesson in, loud coughers, over the teacher talkers, smelly shoe wearers, slow readers, nose whistlers, door slammers, loud chair pushers, over exaggerating head-nodders, and unnecessary word-correcters… just saying.

My anxiety went to 7.8 on the Richter scale as I noticed my leg-shaking and doodling get to a recent all time high…and it’s not even torturous Tuesday! I even had to plug my ears (discretely) at one point because the out of control noise in the class was making my ear drums bounce. Sigh…lunch at a pub would trump the lake or a walk. But instead, here I sit in the hospital library, listening to the lady behind me cough all over the computer, and the floor cleaner emit intolerable noise pollution (slightly ironic). I think the hospital should employ ‘cough-watchers’. If we are all so concerned about cross-contamination, the obvious coughers should get the boot. Heck I would gladly be one! ” Excuse me ma’am, we don’t condone phlegm transmission in this health care facility, so I must ask you to leave and remind you to stay home if you have a disgusting cough. No one wants to listen to you. Have a great day”. Easy peasey!

A lesson…hmmmm…still not finding it. I’ve always had multiple pet peeves that hover on the edge of phobias. Positive self-talk…”You are not as gross, inconsiderate or annoying as most of the human beings you have encountered today.” There! Does that count? My question is, when is it ok to remove myself from areas with said people in order to decrease my anxiety? This is where the ‘save my life school’ lines blur for me. I sat through the distress in the classroom like I’m taught to, but do I let it get me to a panic-attack? Will I be less of a star student if I go for a long walk to calm my nerves? Do I need to look at this as exposure therapy? If I give myself space will I not learn the gold-star lesson of my life?…I’m taking this too far I’m sure. I guess my lesson at this moment is that I don’t know my lesson all the time. ‘Tool’ trial and error…well I feel like the tool box just keeps falling on my head today. Tomorrow will be better I’m sure. 

Oh goody…coughing fit lady just let the volunteer know that ‘several weeks of antibiotics and puffers still haven’t helped her’. But I will rest assured that ‘she’s not contagious’ because SHE says so. Grrrrrrr I’m outta here.

Advertisements