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Why is self-care so difficult for me sometimes? I get so frustrated with the mental energy it takes for me to ACTUALLY do something.

This is my brain today:

Let’s see if it’s sunny out-I don’t want to get out of bed-I should pee now-I don’t think I have to yet-the cat is so sweet and laying on my legs so I must not move in order to let her sleep-how caring of me-I know that’s an excuse to stay in bed longer-if I get up I will maybe do some laundry-it depends, I should have a nap first-nap-wake up-the cat is still on my legs, how sweet-I will hold her hand for a while-I should post this on Instagram-take picture-post-I really have to pee now-I should take Walter and the kids on a walk somewhere-but where?-beach is too sandy-lakeshore is too peopley-stores are too loud-I think I see a snowflake-we should stay in, it’s safer-pee (finally)-I should NOT look at that first Facebook video-watch the video-it leads to another-and another-and another-how will I pay that bill?- I hate appointments-what food should I make- do people actually like making spring rolls from scratch?-I need to get the cats fixed- I do not wanting to talk to WSIB again- I dread listening to voicemails-the snow is melting and there is so much dog poo to pick up- I hate spring cleaning-when it’s sunny I will feel even more guilty that I don’t go outside-why are we here on this planet?-do other people think like this?-why is everything so hard?-why are people selfish?-why is time going so slowly?-what happens when we die?-is this all a dream?-there is so much bad in the world-how can someone kill another person?-how messed up is my brain?-I hate waiting to see how I will feel tomorrow-do people go outside and actually want to?-are there actually people in this world who like to do stuff?-do people really like to surf?-why would anyone want to surf with sharks?-do people go to the beach and not look at the time to see when they can leave and at least feel like they accomplished something that day, only to have to get their car so sandy and need to vacuum it?-do people really not mind vacuuming?-I wish I could be in their head-to feel what it’s like to like to do things-I only like to be in bed-I like to do my talks, but small talk is so hard-I worry that people think I’m ok-I don’t LOOK sick-I hate worrying-it’s so much…

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