What does freedom look like to you?
To some it may be;
The mending of a broken heart,
Being cured from a disease.
The heavy weight of a jail cell opening.
Running past the finish line and falling to the ground.
Drinking refreshing clean water.
Escaping the pain of an abusive relationship.
Turning the ignition after getting your drivers licence.
Performing a play you have rehearsed for months.
Finally apologizing – and it being accepted.
Feeling the diploma placed in your hand.
Tasting the salt of the ocean for the first time.
Holding hands under the stars.
…all understandable.
Freedom to me is;
A quiet mind, free from feeling broken for a full minute.
Waking up to see the sun and actually wanting to feel it on my skin.
A night of dreams that I can’t remember.
When I finally run out of tears.
When the obsession to numb passes.
Walking Walter and not having to look over my shoulder.
Not seeing the pain in everyone’s smile.
Not feeling dark energy looming over the earth.
Having a day when I don’t learn of a suicide of a peer, and knowing exactly how that person must have felt.
Looking into Adam, Caroline, Walter, Pepsi and Loller’s eyes 🙂
Thinking that maybe…maybe…one day I can let someone in again.
Fearing death.
UpTalk Podcast
Paramedic Nat 
June 6, 2017 at 1:11 AM
This, right here, this is you letting people in. Freedom is in your mind’s eye. Remember like they said in “The Matrix”: “There is no spoon” 😉
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June 6, 2017 at 1:26 AM
I can feel your anxiety and distress and pain, but I can’t give you a hug (I’m too far away!) I understand the fear and then you mention-stuff I can’t really understand, like the death of a peer.
The type of work you do is intense and stressful and painted in PTSD, that deaths may be inevitable. What happened to you being the C/PTSD bad ass responder. I know you could do it. So do you. Build a program, start locally, heal C-PTSD, you’ll heal too.
Remember too, we all care about you plus I’m prepared to take you home in a blanket to Ireland if needs be😂😂
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June 6, 2017 at 5:40 AM
Hugs my beautiful friend xox
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June 6, 2017 at 9:36 AM
I can’t wait for the day that you feel true freedom Natalie. I know that day will come for you. Never forget how many people care and love you my friend. Xoxo b
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June 6, 2017 at 11:36 AM
Love you John xox
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