This blog documents a paramedic and mom’s journey through the highs and lows of her mental health illnesses and injuries. She shares the story of her inner demons with everyone, so that they may rid themselves of their own.
This is such an incredibly “universe is sending out what I need the most” post for me. I’m learning aboaut triggers and how they have, in the past, devastated friendships that meant everything to me. I just learned what “mindfulness” is last nite and how to apply it.
And here you are with this wisdom that you share like a bag of smarties.
Your timing is perfect.
Thank you, Nat. For allowing others to come along on your journey. It’s a parallel universe.
That’s so awesome! The universe definitely works in mysterious way eh!? I’m so happy to hear that you are learning some coping skills and I’m praying you keep making progress…I know you will. Big hug. So happy you connected with the blog 🙂
I just became aware of your blog. As a nurse I have recently gotten out of the holiday inn myself and it is amazing how your blogs are almost identical to how I feel and what I was and am still feeling. I was suicidal and in the darkest place…with help I haven’t been there in a month but still know I need to use my support network and attend therapy and group therapy to learn tools for coping. I am currently undergoing Dbt therapy and it seems helpful so far. I hope I can be as brave as you one day and share my story with those in need.
Hi Angela. Thank you so much for your comment! I am so happy to hear that you can see how you are not alone. I wish you all the very best with your treatment and therapy, and know that you ARE brave even by reaching out with your comment! I hope my blogs continue to help. Sending you love and support, ~Nat
I happened upon your blog after finding the link in the news article you were recently in, amazing how the universe works. A couple nights ago some police officers showed up at my door to deliver a summons to me for my upcoming sexual abuse trial. I’m sure they were completely taken a back when I jumped up and down with excitement and thanked them from the bottom of my heart for their delivery. I than joyfully exclaimed they had just delivered me my freedom. That’s right free at last from the bondage I have lived in for thirty years…showering three times a day, vacuuming my house twice a day as well as scrubbing floors and walls as often as I could find time for all the while poisoning myself to death! I am a survivor and also work in Funeral services which is why I can so relate to much of what you describe in your blog. I too am your tree. I have spent two years contemplating a blog much like yours but different. I have started making notes for the book I too dream of writing. I would relish an opportunity to speak with you if that were even possible. Perhaps you might be willing to provide me some tips on my journey. Although I am sure you are very busy and will understand if you are unable to respond. Congratulations on your journey it will help thousands of others suffering in silence.
Hi Holly 😊 Thank you so much for your message! You are such a strong and amazing woman. I would love to help you out in any way I can. My email is paramedicnat@hotmail.com. Send me an email sometime and we can chat more. Sending you love ❤️
Hi Natalie. My wife was a police officer who committed suicide after a long struggle with bipolar disorder. I’ve recently started a labor of love called The Book of Open (http://thebookofopen.com). I want to give people a platform to share their stories. I have one First Responder story posted so far with a number of others in the queue.
I’ve spoken to groups of police officers and filmed a few training videos as well. I care deeply about mental health and eradicating the stigma.
We obviously don’t know each other so this may be a lot to ask. Would you consider sharing your story on The Book of Open? Please email me at jason@thebookofopen.com and I can fill you in. If you are not interested then I applaud you regardless for being courageous enough to share your story.
Thank you for sharing very openly regarding mental illness through your blog. There has been suicides and attempted suicides on my mom’s side of the family, and I have had some dark valleys where I have contemplated it!
Keeping on top of my own mental health is something I have to daily focus on.
Thank you so much for your message. You TOO are helping by sharing your experiences right here. Xo I wish you happiness and health! You are an inspiration.
I’ve been in this god forsaken profession for 28yrs…..I retire in 4….I can’t wait to retire….this profession has sucked the life out of me….contributed to 2 failed marriages….I never understood or believed in the notion of how people could take their own life….but I’ve come to understanding it better….the dark places, the deep holes people keep talking about….I can relate too….I’m talking people out of going to medic school….get their nursing or PA or Doctor….stay away from EMS…..I know it’s needed, there is good that comes from it…but it swallows your soul….it hardens your heart….makes a person synical and a hypocrite
I’ve come to hate the people I work for….it’s that rare pt that I connect with, can joke with or talk
Openly with that keeps me focused on my retirement date
Hello. Thank you for taking the time to send this message. My heart goes out to you as I can tell you are in a lot of pain. Are you getting help at all? You don’t need to reply here. My email is paramedicnat@hotmail.com. Maybe I can share some resources with you. Sending you love.
Thank you for what you do. I am a paramedic in Mesa Arizona and I have been struggling with ptsd for the last 7years and it’s a struggle everyday to get up and go to work.
I can’t wait to read your book. I have no experience in your profession, but understand the importance of mental health awareness for everyone. I work in a university library and we have just received your book. I have requested it and will be the first to read. I hope your book can help others. I can’t wait to read it.
Hi Suzanne 🙂 thank you for your message. May I ask which university you work at? I hope you enjoy the book – you will soon find that it is geared to all, not just first responders. Thank you for your support! Xo
Hi Nat. I’m from Australia – Western Sydney University, and we received it today! The books physical presence is lovely too! I will try and read it as quickly as possible so it can get out to the students and the wider community. Paramedics study at a different campus to mine, but I did see some the other day when I visited that specific campus. They study in their gear so I can easily spot them!
Thank you for your story. I can simply say we are two peas in a pod. I spent 25 years on the band aide box until I retired. I am dual diagnosed and suffer from PTSD and other things directly related to my profession.
Hi Nat … thank you for your honesty with the road you have travelled I am a South Africa trained paramedic and been in the profession for almost 30 years this year – working on the African Continent in remote, austere and hostile environments, and also doing road response in the cities in South Africa, where we are exposed to untold horrors and abuse. … after reading an article by an Australian paramedic, Di McMath – I wrote this article – it also contains links to her article. https://mikesnexus.com/2015/08/14/ems-you-can-never-leave/
Strength to you and to all the other out there who deal with the inner demons of our profession … peace and love to you
Hey Nat,
I just wanted to say that your strength and courage has been an lifeline for me for the past 6 months. I’m glad you had a good time here in Nova Scotia and I’m happy to say Mark is hooking me up with a Cracked Armour hoodie tomorrow morning! It’s be my go-to sweater on night shifts! Today has been a really rough workday so far and I’ll be referring to your book tonight for strength. Hugs!
Renée
Hi Nat, my name is Leah and I’m a 16 year old Canadian visual arts student and I think your story is very inspiring. I came across your story while researching the effects of PTSD on first responders for school and to chose to take action by creating a sketch as a visual representation. Please have a look at my sketch through the following link (hope it works): http://s347.photobucket.com/user/Leahlcc/media/IMG_5362_zpshmvnsyml.jpg.html?sort=3&o=0
Thank you so much for sharing your experiences and inspirational strength!
~Leah
Hi, I am a retired paramedic from Hamilton, just starting to open up about my ptsd battles I have encountered since quitting. Nice to meet fellow paramedics taking a ride down the same path. Just started my own blog, palmtreesandpots.ca
Paramedic Nat 
December 5, 2014 at 11:34 AM
This is such an incredibly “universe is sending out what I need the most” post for me. I’m learning aboaut triggers and how they have, in the past, devastated friendships that meant everything to me. I just learned what “mindfulness” is last nite and how to apply it.
And here you are with this wisdom that you share like a bag of smarties.
Your timing is perfect.
Thank you, Nat. For allowing others to come along on your journey. It’s a parallel universe.
Hold that necklace tight
LikeLiked by 1 person
December 5, 2014 at 8:53 PM
That’s so awesome! The universe definitely works in mysterious way eh!? I’m so happy to hear that you are learning some coping skills and I’m praying you keep making progress…I know you will. Big hug. So happy you connected with the blog 🙂
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January 10, 2016 at 9:37 PM
I just became aware of your blog. As a nurse I have recently gotten out of the holiday inn myself and it is amazing how your blogs are almost identical to how I feel and what I was and am still feeling. I was suicidal and in the darkest place…with help I haven’t been there in a month but still know I need to use my support network and attend therapy and group therapy to learn tools for coping. I am currently undergoing Dbt therapy and it seems helpful so far. I hope I can be as brave as you one day and share my story with those in need.
LikeLiked by 1 person
January 18, 2016 at 11:29 PM
Hi Angela. Thank you so much for your comment! I am so happy to hear that you can see how you are not alone. I wish you all the very best with your treatment and therapy, and know that you ARE brave even by reaching out with your comment! I hope my blogs continue to help. Sending you love and support, ~Nat
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November 6, 2016 at 6:49 PM
Hi Natalie,
I happened upon your blog after finding the link in the news article you were recently in, amazing how the universe works. A couple nights ago some police officers showed up at my door to deliver a summons to me for my upcoming sexual abuse trial. I’m sure they were completely taken a back when I jumped up and down with excitement and thanked them from the bottom of my heart for their delivery. I than joyfully exclaimed they had just delivered me my freedom. That’s right free at last from the bondage I have lived in for thirty years…showering three times a day, vacuuming my house twice a day as well as scrubbing floors and walls as often as I could find time for all the while poisoning myself to death! I am a survivor and also work in Funeral services which is why I can so relate to much of what you describe in your blog. I too am your tree. I have spent two years contemplating a blog much like yours but different. I have started making notes for the book I too dream of writing. I would relish an opportunity to speak with you if that were even possible. Perhaps you might be willing to provide me some tips on my journey. Although I am sure you are very busy and will understand if you are unable to respond. Congratulations on your journey it will help thousands of others suffering in silence.
LikeLiked by 1 person
November 6, 2016 at 8:24 PM
Hi Holly 😊 Thank you so much for your message! You are such a strong and amazing woman. I would love to help you out in any way I can. My email is paramedicnat@hotmail.com. Send me an email sometime and we can chat more. Sending you love ❤️
LikeLike
February 29, 2016 at 4:36 PM
Hi Natalie. My wife was a police officer who committed suicide after a long struggle with bipolar disorder. I’ve recently started a labor of love called The Book of Open (http://thebookofopen.com). I want to give people a platform to share their stories. I have one First Responder story posted so far with a number of others in the queue.
http://thebookofopen.com/2016/02/18/while-we-sleep-soundly-a-first-responders-battle-with-pts/
I’ve spoken to groups of police officers and filmed a few training videos as well. I care deeply about mental health and eradicating the stigma.
We obviously don’t know each other so this may be a lot to ask. Would you consider sharing your story on The Book of Open? Please email me at jason@thebookofopen.com and I can fill you in. If you are not interested then I applaud you regardless for being courageous enough to share your story.
What you are doing is incredibly important.
LikeLiked by 1 person
April 28, 2016 at 12:43 PM
Thank you for sharing very openly regarding mental illness through your blog. There has been suicides and attempted suicides on my mom’s side of the family, and I have had some dark valleys where I have contemplated it!
Keeping on top of my own mental health is something I have to daily focus on.
LikeLike
April 30, 2016 at 10:54 AM
Thank you so much for your message. You TOO are helping by sharing your experiences right here. Xo I wish you happiness and health! You are an inspiration.
LikeLike
September 23, 2016 at 8:11 AM
I’ve been in this god forsaken profession for 28yrs…..I retire in 4….I can’t wait to retire….this profession has sucked the life out of me….contributed to 2 failed marriages….I never understood or believed in the notion of how people could take their own life….but I’ve come to understanding it better….the dark places, the deep holes people keep talking about….I can relate too….I’m talking people out of going to medic school….get their nursing or PA or Doctor….stay away from EMS…..I know it’s needed, there is good that comes from it…but it swallows your soul….it hardens your heart….makes a person synical and a hypocrite
I’ve come to hate the people I work for….it’s that rare pt that I connect with, can joke with or talk
Openly with that keeps me focused on my retirement date
LikeLike
September 23, 2016 at 11:47 AM
Hello. Thank you for taking the time to send this message. My heart goes out to you as I can tell you are in a lot of pain. Are you getting help at all? You don’t need to reply here. My email is paramedicnat@hotmail.com. Maybe I can share some resources with you. Sending you love.
LikeLike
March 29, 2017 at 12:42 AM
Thank you for what you do. I am a paramedic in Mesa Arizona and I have been struggling with ptsd for the last 7years and it’s a struggle everyday to get up and go to work.
LikeLiked by 1 person
April 1, 2017 at 9:39 PM
Hello, thank you for your message. Sending you so much love. I hope you are on a road to recovery. Are you getting help?
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June 4, 2017 at 11:18 PM
I can’t wait to read your book. I have no experience in your profession, but understand the importance of mental health awareness for everyone. I work in a university library and we have just received your book. I have requested it and will be the first to read. I hope your book can help others. I can’t wait to read it.
LikeLiked by 1 person
June 6, 2017 at 12:50 AM
Hi Suzanne 🙂 thank you for your message. May I ask which university you work at? I hope you enjoy the book – you will soon find that it is geared to all, not just first responders. Thank you for your support! Xo
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June 6, 2017 at 9:32 PM
Hi Nat. I’m from Australia – Western Sydney University, and we received it today! The books physical presence is lovely too! I will try and read it as quickly as possible so it can get out to the students and the wider community. Paramedics study at a different campus to mine, but I did see some the other day when I visited that specific campus. They study in their gear so I can easily spot them!
LikeLiked by 1 person
June 7, 2017 at 1:27 AM
Hi Suzanne 🙂 That’s great! Thank you for your friendship and support. If you have any questions, never hesitate to ask. Big hug from Canada 🇨🇦
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April 5, 2018 at 2:57 PM
Thank you for your story. I can simply say we are two peas in a pod. I spent 25 years on the band aide box until I retired. I am dual diagnosed and suffer from PTSD and other things directly related to my profession.
LikeLike
April 5, 2018 at 5:28 PM
Hi Rodney. Thank you so much for your message. I hope you are on the road to recovery. Sending you love.
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April 8, 2018 at 3:15 AM
Hi Nat … thank you for your honesty with the road you have travelled I am a South Africa trained paramedic and been in the profession for almost 30 years this year – working on the African Continent in remote, austere and hostile environments, and also doing road response in the cities in South Africa, where we are exposed to untold horrors and abuse. … after reading an article by an Australian paramedic, Di McMath – I wrote this article – it also contains links to her article. https://mikesnexus.com/2015/08/14/ems-you-can-never-leave/
Strength to you and to all the other out there who deal with the inner demons of our profession … peace and love to you
LikeLike
April 8, 2018 at 7:55 AM
Hello. Thank you for your message. Peace and love to you as well. Thank you for your service.
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April 28, 2018 at 9:46 PM
Thank you for sharing your journey. You have been an inspiration.
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May 23, 2018 at 9:35 AM
Hey Nat,
I just wanted to say that your strength and courage has been an lifeline for me for the past 6 months. I’m glad you had a good time here in Nova Scotia and I’m happy to say Mark is hooking me up with a Cracked Armour hoodie tomorrow morning! It’s be my go-to sweater on night shifts! Today has been a really rough workday so far and I’ll be referring to your book tonight for strength. Hugs!
Renée
LikeLike
May 26, 2018 at 2:45 PM
Hi Renée
Thank you so much. I’m happy it is helping you! Sending you love.
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June 16, 2018 at 3:56 PM
Hi Nat, my name is Leah and I’m a 16 year old Canadian visual arts student and I think your story is very inspiring. I came across your story while researching the effects of PTSD on first responders for school and to chose to take action by creating a sketch as a visual representation. Please have a look at my sketch through the following link (hope it works): http://s347.photobucket.com/user/Leahlcc/media/IMG_5362_zpshmvnsyml.jpg.html?sort=3&o=0
Thank you so much for sharing your experiences and inspirational strength!
~Leah
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June 17, 2018 at 5:53 PM
Wow! Amazing! You are so talented. Thank you for sharing this. May I share it?
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June 18, 2018 at 4:48 PM
Sure! (:
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December 4, 2020 at 10:58 AM
I was wondering if you ever used Picmonic during school? I started using it to help with pharmacology (heres an example of the playlist I’ve been using; https://www.picmonic.com/share/pathway/pharmacology-expanded_5735?ref=W6ZEW9O53ADZLLD20) just wondering your thoughts. Love your blog!
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December 6, 2020 at 8:51 AM
Hello. 🙂 No. This is the first I’ve heard of it. And thank you for your kind words.
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December 28, 2020 at 10:14 AM
Hi, I am a retired paramedic from Hamilton, just starting to open up about my ptsd battles I have encountered since quitting. Nice to meet fellow paramedics taking a ride down the same path. Just started my own blog, palmtreesandpots.ca
congrats on moving forward!
linds
LikeLiked by 1 person
January 6, 2021 at 12:01 PM
Hello. Thank you for your message. Always here to chat along your journey as well. 🙂 Take care!
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