Love

I’ve taught my kids to send love to anyone who is being mean to them. Yes, you heard me correctly – love. That is not to say that they should accept being hurt – it’s more like a love shield that I am asking them to develop. A shield that prevents resentment and hate. A shield that remembers understanding and compassion. It’s not easy. Especially when you are in the process of being hurt. But if you can actually do it, it does protect you from pain.

Not everyone likes that I write about my feelings, and that’s ok. Not everyone likes that I write the truth, and that’s ok. And when someone makes a negative comment towards me I do reflect on it however, and make sure that if I can make a better choice that I do. I am only human.

I may seem like a pretty open book, and for the most part in my blog posts I am, and that part of me has helped me to heal in ways I never could have imagined. But there is lots I don’t share. Lots of personal things that really don’t need to be shared, especially when it has to do with someone else. Like for example why I hang out with certain people and why I don’t hang out with others. Generally speaking my social life exists in the 12-step forum and that is an essential part of my recovery. Because I’m chatty here, doesn’t mean that I’m chatty out there. Social anxiety and my sound sensitivities keep me at home for pretty much all hours of my day unless I NEED to go out for something to do with my kids.

You may see a girl who smiles for cameras at speaking events, but that’s not for fame or celebrity – by far – it’s because it’s the right thing to do. But what you don’t see is that pre and post photo I am battling with anxiety and gripping firmly on any positive self-talk I can muster up so that I continue to do my speech – because doing so is the only way I still feel like I am a contributing member to society. I still miss being a paramedic every single day of my life.

My healthy boundaries with certain people haven’t been easy for me. But they are for a reason – my reasons.

Building a love shield is certainly hard at times. But I think I have to practice what I preach to my kids. If they can do it – then so can I.

I try to be there for as many people as I can. But once again, I am only human. I am only one person, and I promise I try my best.

Another piece of advice I must practice if I preach is a quote from Eleanore Roosevelt,”Do what you feel in your heart to be right -for you will be criticized anyway. You’ll be damned if you do and damned if you don’t.

I wish everyone happiness and peace. I wish that for myself and for my family as well. I send out love to all of you – each and every one. The icing on the love-shield cake, is that sometimes that love actually reaches the person who is mad and hurtful, and that is the best outcome of all. I truly hope that happens.

 

 

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